Almost Good Enough
by Chilly Academic IV
Summary: Memories from the past take control of Mello's present. What can he do to relieve his frustrations...? 'I'll see emotion in those eyes yet, Near.' Mello x Matt, Mello x Near, Yaoi, oneshot


**Almost Good Enough**

**Rating: R / M **

**Chapter 1 of 1**

**Pairing(s): Mello x Near, Mello x Matt**

**Warnings: Shonen-Ai / Yaoi; Mild AU(?); Cursing**

A/N: Yes. Deathnote. Not much to say about this one, except I have been playing way too much of a doujin game I downloaded and am totally hooked on this pairing. So, I decided, let's take a stab at writing it. I don't know if it will be a one-shot or what. I decided to make it have flashbacks. But whether or not the flashbacks are the story, I can't say. Anyways, enjoy

---

"Pfeh, we were orphans, who would care for the likes of us?" queried the blonde as another chunk of that dark chocolate bar was severed from its main form, disappearing between his almost effeminate lips. Cobalt eyes turned from focusing on a spot that blended in to the concrete wall in front of him. Those eyes turned to a redheaded figure who sat on the remainders of a wooden crate which was slowly caving in under his light weight. Matt. He considered this male one of his few friends, if he could even say he had friends, and so once in a while took the time to talk.

"You always shoot me down, Mello," the redhead muttered s he stared at a loose rock that was sitting on the asphalt near his feet. He nudged it with the toe of his shoe before looking back up to the blonde male who was slowly devouring the remainders of that candy bar, arching a brow. "There had to be someone that you cared for, back at Wammy's, all those years ago. Someone besides me, that is."

_Have you forgotten already, Matt?_ the blonde caught himself thinking as he rolled a slowly melting piece of chocolate around on the wet, pink muscle that was his tongue. _Yes, I cared for someone… in face, you told me so many times I was obsessed…_

"No," the blonde stated, roughly jerking more of the chocolate from his sweet treat and glowering at the other male. "I didn't even consider any of the boys there my friends except you. Stop being stupid."

"You don't have to get defensive," the male stated as he shook the ashes off the tip of a burning cigarette into a small pile that was forming by his seat. A thin trail of smoke slipped from his lips as he took another inhale of the addicting substance that the cigarette released into his mouth. Eyes concealed with those annoying googles were directed back at the blonde who seemed to be taking out frustration on the candy bar he held in his hands, creating rather loud crunches that one wouldn't expect from a plain chocolate bar. The redhead smirked slightly, taking another drag off his cigarette. "And you don't have to take it out on the chocolate."

What was perhaps three seconds seemed like one to the redhead as he soon found those cobalt eyes staring into his own covered eyes through the thin panel of tinted plastic that served as goggles.

"Drop the topic. _Now,_" nothing but annoyance was evident in the blonde's voice as he glared into those hidden eyes. Those goggles pissed him off to no end, ever since childhood he had wanted direct eye contact when he spoke… ever since _he_ has always avoided doing so. The other person over whom Mello had obsessed for all of his life, his competition, his rival. That damn emotionless figure that was known… as Near.

xxx

"Why don't you stop doing your stupid puzzle and look at me when I talk to you?!"

Eleven, angry, and aggressive. Mello didn't know how to control his emotions at all and he often found himself blowing up at little-mister-perfect, mister always number one ever time test results came back to him. Always he was number two, right behind the robot-like, emotionless male who sat silently, placing piece after piece of that solid white puzzle onto a frame-like platform that was sitting on the common room floor before him. He seemed to be doing the same thing every time Mello saw him, and yet no progress ever seemed to be made on that damn thing. It was extremely annoying, yet a minor detail that he supposed only he noticed.

"Maybe I will look at Mello when he learns to control his emotions," stated the white haired figure in that annoying, almost drawling monotone he always had. The voice that always made Mello's fists clench, making him want to punch the other male over and over until he passed out. It was so annoying… Hell, everything about the other male seemed to tick him off. This left the mystery as to why, exactly, he was so often found just staring at him as he put that solid white puzzle together…

Anger was evident in a hiss-like exhale he gave before he spoke, voice tinged with a hatred filled annoyance. "I am perfectly in control of my emotions," he snarled, obviously contradicting his prior statement. His eyes flashed with that anger he was feeling and a few of the girls chattering nearby scattered like disturbed hens. Mello felt his hands unconsciously rising as he advanced towards the seated male who calmly worked on his puzzle. He wanted some response, some feeling, some sort of emotion… yes… emotion, that was what he wanted. But no, those dark eyes were always so cold and so unfeeling…

"ROGER! MELLO'S GOING TO HIT NEAR AGAIN!"

The blonde's eye twitched as his anger overflowed hearing that statement. He roughly shoved his hands into his pockets, though, balling his hands into such tight fists that he felt warmth flowing down his somewhat tanned flesh, crimson warmth, blood. This was not uncommon in his spats of anger as when he could not take aggression and frustration out on the male he considered his little white punching bag, he felt himself harming either himself or Matt.

Huffing in annoyance, one at the squealer whom he could only identify by a rather young female voice (it always WAS the girls who were the squealers…) and two at the fact he still hadn't received any response from the almost albino male who sat there, still placing pieces of the puzzle together calmly. One day he'd break that boy, break him into more pieces than that damnable puzzle could ever hope to have, break him so no one and nothing could ever mend him.

Solitude was not what he sought, currently, and he found what he was looking for in his room, in the form of a redhead male sitting on his bed with some sort of handheld gamin device (Mello had often wondered where he got all of these games). Yes, this was Matt, his red hair and striped long-sleeved shirt were about as dead of a giveaway as one could hope to get. Those optimistic blue eyes turned to look at the entering figure as the wooden door slammed shut, expressing his anger. Mello's own eyes lifted from their hateful glance at the floor to give a glower in the direction of the male who sad on his bed and he almost laughed as he saw that happy look of his wither beneath that hateful glance.

"Mello… …?" Matt's voice was little above a whimper as he spoke, almost fearful eyes turning to look at the male the stood just inside the door, eyes alight with the fires of hell themselves.

The strong hand of the blonde were soon relocated to the other male's shoulders, shoving his rather slender frame back onto the bed roughly. The first few times the redhead had winced, but he was now at a point where he had expected it and so had braced himself as he forcefully was pushed back onto the bed. The small, portable game which he had held in his hands clattered to the carpeted floor, and Matt had to admit he was thankful that thing was durable as it could be. Else the poor gaming device would have been gone long ago.

"I hate him," hissed the blonde who glowered down at the redhead he had pinned, his slender fingers curled tightly, digging into the material as well as the flesh concealed beneath it. He had to admit, seeing that flash of pain across those blue eyes that stared meekly up into his own gave him a strange rush of adrenaline, though he could only assume if it were Near who he had pinned below him, this rush would be much more, and much stronger and… undoubtedly different. "I hate him."

Mello knew that taking his frustration out of the submissive redhead wouldn't ever help anything in the long run. But he was young and foolish, only caring about the here and now, only wanting some way to release this anger…

xxx

More and more of that chocolate was disappearing into his mouth as his anger escalated by the seconds that ticked by, especially at the sudden memory of the first time he had taken his frustration out on Matt and gotten caught about it. He hadn't gotten in much, if any, trouble according to his memories, but he hadn't enjoyed getting caught beating up on his so-called friend. That had been the last time he resorted to pure physical violence to get his frustration out, though, because with puberty had come another frustration…

"You okay, Mello?" the smoking male asked as he blew out another trail of thin smoke from his lips. His gaze had been redirected back to the cracking asphalt that lay at his feet currently, and the blonde had noticed this with only the tiniest twinge of regret saying he shouldn't have been so forceful with him.

"Shit, Matt," the blonde said, tossing aside the empty candy bar wrapper as the remainder of the large chunk of chocolate disappeared between his lips, "you should know the answer to that." And he knew the redhead knew what he had intended. Was he okay… bah. He could never be okay until he was number one, until he had beaten Near, until he had seen those emotionless eyes crack with pain or despair or something other than that flat blank stare he so often received. He could remember the only time he had seen emotion in those eyes and his heart fluttered at the memory—those dark eyes finally shining with feelings he had never seen before.

He watched from the corner of his eye as the redhead finished his cigarette and tossed the butt of the cancer causing indulgence to the ground, grinding it beneath the thick sole of his boot. For a moment no reply came from the redhead which almost made the blonde think he had though better than to reply, but as his voice rose again, Mello soon realized that Matt had never been one to shut up unless he had a game in his hands.

"Yeah," he said, nodding as he reached into a hidden pocket on his vest, withdrawing the remainder of a pack of cigarettes and placing one between his lips idly, soon withdrawing a lighter as well and beginning his second cigarette. "I don't think you've been 'okay' since you were fourteen… And even then it's doubtful you were ever okay," stated the redhead with an absent chuckle, but when he received that silence in return, he knew he had said something that had set the blonde off. This was not necessarily a good idea.

Since he was fourteen… what fateful event had happened during that year? Ah, he could not forget no matter how he tried. He was still quite young and fragile when the received the news, when he and that damnable snowy figure and he had been called into Roger's office to receive news that had only been defined to them as grave and rather life-changing for both of them.

"…" That memory made him clench his fists, leathery material of his gloves giving a squeak like noise as he did so. His eyes focused in on the figure who was seated on the crate before he advanced towards him, after having stepped back a few moments before. His eyes were alight with hell's flames once more and he could currently do little but glower with hate at the other male. "Matt… you know I said to _never _remind me of that day…"  
"S-sorry…!" the male said, his lit cigarette falling from his hand as he attempted to scoot back on the rickety crate he used as a seat, causing one of the boards that made it up to creak almost dangerously, as though it were soon to cave in under the redhead's weight. He knew what this gaze often lead to and it scared him, especially when he was here in the open.

And seeing that emotion in those goggled eyes, though the tinted lenses obscured his view of that emotion slightly, gave him that rush. How long had it been since he had felt that adrenaline rush from seeing emotion in the eyes of another? The last time he could recall such a rush was when he was fourteen, when Near had showed only a twinkle of emotion in those dark eyes…

The lips of the two males forcefully were pressed together, leathery material of the blonde's gloves entangling themselves in the red locks of the other male. The taste of tobacco was on the Matt's lips and Mello had to admit that it was not the most pleasant taste in the world, but he had to deal now. He felt that overwhelming frustration dance through his body and he couldn't hold in that anger, that emotion. There was no way he could stand it, he couldn't take it…

Needy hands were searching for the clasps that kept the vest of the other male closed over his striped shirt that the male wore. The pressured kiss was broken; Mello couldn't help but chuckle softly as he heard his companion gasp for air at the release of the pressured kiss. The leather-coated hands were beginning to press off the vest before both bare hands of the redhead grasped to the wrists of the blonde male, attempting to fight back.

"A-ah! Mello! W-w-what are you doing?! Not _here_…!"

"Think of this as punishment," cooed the blonde as the vest of the other male fell to the ground behind him, falling onto the cracked asphalt behind him. His lips again covered the redhead's as he began to pull up the bottom hem of striped shirt, allowing his gloved fingers to trail across the sensitive skin right about the waistband of the other male's pants, smirking slightly through the kiss as he felt the very obvious shudder that wracked Matt's rather slender frame. It was almost serving to affirm his victory over the redhead, though he had to admit… This rush was not as strong or as arousing as the one he received that night, so many years ago.

xxx

Again. Again he had come in number two. Fourteen, angry, still number two. How the hell could that quiet little figure who spent day in day out hunched in the floor over a solid white puzzle he never completed be perfect every time?! It was impossible! Or if it was possible, Mello refused to accept it.

Forceful hands pushed open the door to the other male's room and he stormed in, his typical unceremonious entrance which he had displayed numerous times before. This time, though, he seemed to have found a new anger, a new hatred for the silent figure. He'd break him. He'd see emotion in those blank eyes, after all these years.

"Hai?"

That single word annoyed Mello beyond all reason. He made no response and, after rather roughly kicking the door closed behind him, stormed over to stand in front of the white haired male, kicking the board on which he was working his puzzle to the side, sending the almost identical white pieces flying through the air and scattering across the room. Cobalt eyes then turned to the figure who still half-crouched in the floor, looking quite blankly at the spot where the puzzle once sat, before his gaze slowly lifted up to stare into the eyes of the male who loomed before him. For a moment the blonde thought that he saw a spark of emotion within those dark abysses, until it faded so swiftly that he was sure it had only been his imagination. This caused the flaming anger in his eyes to increase tenfold.

"How…" hiss from between the tightly clenched teeth as he glared hatefully at the other male, "how can you be so _perfect_ at everything?! You never let your emotions get the best of you… Damnit, you don't even _have_ emotions, do you?!"

The dark eyes were ever blank as they stared up at the male, almost eerily unblinking, before he spoke.

"Of course I do, Mello. I just have more control over them than you do, that's why you always come in number two." Those eerie blue eyes stared unblinking as, all the while sitting, he began to place pieces of the puzzle that were scattered nearby back together in a small pile, always having to do one thing or another with his hands.

"Shut up," he felt an overwhelming desire to wrap his hands around that skinny little neck and squeeze until no air could pass through and his eyes bulged and he gasped and pleaded for life. But he paused, remembering his encounters as of late with Matt when he found… other ways to take out his aggression, other than physical violence. And he found his body desiring to see Near squirm like Matt had, to hear his breathing become erratic as heated kisses dotted the slender frame.

Instead of grasping tight to that thin neck, he seized the shoulders of the ill fitting button-up shirt which the white haired male wore, pulling him into a standing position, though he still only stood to the height of perhaps Mello's chin, so he had to look up slightly to see into those fiery eyes. "Mello… you're going to tear my sh—"

He was silenced as the blonde's mouth crushed down against the younger male's own, forcefully pulling him closer as he did so. His body was pressed up against the small frame of the younger boy as he pressed him backwards, before a rough push landed him on the bed, though his legs covered by those, again, ill-fitted white pants still draped off the side, a situation remedied with a bit more roughhousing from the blonde male, pushing and pulling the male, who barely struggled, until he lay lengthwise on the bed. Then a grin as the blonde slipped onto the bed with him, straddling him, hands placed on those delicate shoulders.

"I'll make you show your emotions, Near. If it's the last thing I do, I will," and with that his mouth once again moved to kiss him, pressing hard against those near-virgin lips as those swift hands began to undo the shirt of the male who lay beneath him. He felt those meek hands pushing back against him in at attempt to resist while one of Mello's cool hands slipped under the now unbuttoned shirt, running along the slightly tinted flesh of a nipple he found to harden at the touch. Ah, Near's body was so virginal and pure, he had rarely been touched and most likely never been touched in such a manner.

What was that? Did the white haired figure's breath just hitch? He could tell even through the kiss and this gave him a new rush. The kiss was immediately broken as he continued placing kisses on that sun-starved skin, finding less and less resistance with every advancement he made. Slender hands pressed away the unbuttoned shirt, revealing the chest to those greedy lips that roamed over the younger male's body. He could feel and hear those breaths that grew gradually heavier, turning to gasps as Mello's moist tongue flicked over a hardened nipple which he had earlier been playing with.

And a rather audible gasp as the blonde's cool, slender hands slid down the pale figure's chest, caressing the soft, tender skin of his torso, causing numerous shudders. And then those hands slipped under the material of the pants that barely clung onto the body of the submissive figure.

"Ha… aaah…" He could feel the figure beneath him squirm as his hands slowly brushed across the heated base of the male's anatomy. "Me… llo… s-sto…op…" The pleading voice almost made him feel guilty, though he did not let it influence his actions. He removed his lips which were sucking on the hardened nipple, trailing light kisses up before taking the other male's lips with his, snaking out his moist tongue into those lips which were parted in a gasp. He could feel the other male choke slightly ad instead of air, his mouth was filled by that moist tongue.

And then, those pale little hands grasped tightly onto those white bed sheets as the cool hand of the blonde wrapped around his penis with a teasing touch. The kiss was broken and Mello found himself gazing into eyes full of some emotion he could not identify except as a rather muddy mess. He could make our a mild form of shock as it wound around in those almost ebony pits, dancing with embarrassment. Simple emotions like that he could decipher, however there was one he could only assume was something he was yet to see in anyone's eyes. Not even in Matt's. Something he couldn't…

"M-Mello… aaaah…"

The split second he had to look into those eyes flickered and was gone as they were tightly closed, turning his head to the side and biting his lower lips. Something within Mello was upset by this, but he did not hurt him like he would have been tempted to if he was himself at this point. However, he instead decided to be almost cruelly mocking to the other male.

"I could get used to this…" he murmured, letting his cool hands travel along the heated flesh of the male beneath him, causing him to tremble and grip tighter to the sheets on which he was laying. Then suddenly his hand slipped away from the other male's heated intimate parts as before he slipped both hands onto the hemline of the other male's pants, removing them and his underwear in one pull.

"Nnnhh…!" was the soft sound that came from the younger male as he felt the breeze suddenly hit on regions of his body that felt like they never had before.

"Do you know what sex is…?" purred the blonde as he replaced one of his hands of the other male's hardened penis, teasingly running his hand along the erection. He had to wait a moment for the response to come, though he wasn't shocked when it did.

"No…"

xxx

Matt's red hair hung down as his neck was arched back, breath coming in quick pants. Trembling hands were twisted into the locks of the blonde whose mouth was wrapped around the aching manhood of the red haired male.

He knew, and Mello knew he knew. He was only a replacement.

Matt was almost close enough. Almost good enough.

Almost could only go so far.

_One day soon, Near. One day soon._

--Fin--

A/N: There, a finished DeathNote fic! Holy hell. That ending was a lot sooner than I planned, but I have some other work to do…

This is for Hyura on dA's contest, whenever she starts taking submissions. I'll post it there when she does.

_And that's precisely why it's so convenient don't you think?- Near, Ch. 63_


End file.
